Imperfect Parents: A Lesson for Kids

Kids Need to See Us Mess Up Sometimes

I was having a tough day last week. My project at school wasn't going as planned and I was feeling overwhelmed by the pile of papers on my desk. I took a deep breath, told myself it would get done eventually, and focused on getting through the day.

My students were their usual energetic selves, but I could sense they knew something was off about me. Mateo, always the keen observer, kept glancing over at me as he worked on his own project. I tried to brush it off, thinking he just didn't want me to see him staring, but later that afternoon, we had our one-on-one time and he asked me directly if everything was okay.

It took a lot for him to say that out loud, and I knew in that moment that being vulnerable with my students wasn't just about showing them my weak side; it was also about teaching them how to navigate their own struggles. When we're trying to protect ourselves from getting hurt or overwhelmed, we can come across as closed off or unapproachable.

Kids need to see us mess up sometimes because it makes them feel less alone in their own mistakes. When they watch me flail around and admit when I don't know the answer, it shows them that it's okay not to have all the answers.

I've been trying this approach with my own family too – my partner and kids can attest to the chaos that ensues when we're all home at the same time. But in those moments, I'm making a conscious effort to put down my phone, look people in the eye, and be present.

Scheduling 'fun time' is great and all, but sometimes the best moments come out of nowhere. Like the other day, my youngest and I ended up having an impromptu dance party while we were doing laundry. We didn't plan it; it just happened.

In fact, embracing the chaos has been a game-changer for our whole household. It's not always pretty, but when we learn to roll with the punches, we find that we have more time for each other and less time stressing about getting everything 'just so'.

Of course, this isn't to say that structure doesn't play an important role in our lives. My partner and I try to create routines around homework, dinner times, and bedtime stories, which helps establish a sense of predictability and stability.

But sometimes the most meaningful moments come from putting those plans on hold and following where life takes us.