The Weight of Worry, Finding the Good

Man, it's been heavy lately. Like, not just the weight of classes and trying to get this beat right – though those things *are* definitely contributing. It's something deeper. It's this feeling that I'm constantly bracing for impact, even when there’s nothing actually coming. It’s a vibe, you know? A low-hum anxiety that's been creeping in.

I was talking to my boy DeAndre the other day – he's trying to get his graphic design business off the ground – and he was saying something that hit different. He was talking about how news outlets always seem to focus on the worst stuff. Fires, crime, political drama. Like, they rarely highlight the good things happening. The little victories. The communities coming together. And I realized, it's not just the news. It’s *us*.

It’s built into how we’re wired. Apparently, way back when, paying attention to the bad stuff – a rustling in the bushes, a weird smell – meant the difference between surviving and becoming someone else’s dinner. It’s a survival mechanism. But now? Now we’re sitting in studios, staring at screens, and that same mechanism is having us obsess over Instagram comments and fear-mongering headlines.

It's like, my brain *wants* to focus on the one time I messed up a sample, the one fit that didn't quite land, the one follower who left a sarcastic comment. It wants to dwell on it, replay it, and figure out what went wrong. Meanwhile, the hundreds of times I got it right, the dozens of people who appreciate my work, the positive feedback – that just kinda gets filed away. It's not that I *want* to be negative, it’s just…easier.

The beat I finished last month, the one that really shifted something for me? It wasn't a happy, upbeat track. It was moody. Melancholy, even. But it felt *real*. It felt honest. And I think part of that honesty comes from acknowledging this dark place, this predisposition we all have to see the worst in things. Trying to force a relentlessly positive vibe felt…fake. Like selling something I wasn’t.

Social media definitely doesn't help. The algorithms *know* this. They know that outrage gets clicks. They know that controversy drives engagement. So they feed us more of it. It’s a constant cycle, a feedback loop of negativity that’s hard to escape. Scrolling through timelines, I feel like I’m drowning in problems that aren’t even mine, yet somehow, they’re impacting how I feel. It’s exhausting.

I’ve been trying to actively redirect my focus, though. It’s not about pretending bad stuff doesn’t exist. It's about not letting it consume me. Just yesterday, I caught myself spiraling about a minor setback on a production. Then I stopped. Remembered something my grandmother used to say: "Count your blessings, child." Simple, but powerful. It’s been a conscious effort to genuinely appreciate the small wins.

It’s a process, for sure. It’s not about becoming some relentlessly optimistic person, because that’s not genuine. It’s about acknowledging that this tendency to focus on the negative is *there*, and actively choosing to look for the good alongside it. It’s about recognizing that I’m not just my flaws, my mistakes, or the criticisms I face. I’m the beat I just finished, the fits I’m proud of, the community I’m building. And that's something worth focusing on.