Thought Spirals: Break Free Now

How are you doing so far this year? For me, 2026 came in big, bringing with it both joy and terror. Amid restorative family time, playing Mahjong and watching Oscar-contender movies with my husband and children (my happy place!), we entered a very different territory. Overnight, my mom became critically ill. It’s been a very scary time. Add in the daily news, and a few new health problems of my own, and I don’t know how your nervous system is doing, but I’m struggling. I’m having to work harder than ever to manage my spiraling thoughts.If I’m being honest, for some time, I’ve found myself caught up in relentless thought streams that don’t serve me. It’s made me a bit more forgetful, a shade more anxious, a lot more self-critical, and sometimes, even judgmental. Maybe you know what I mean? Perhaps you, too, are ruminating—getting caught in those sticky thought spirals you can’t escape—more than you used to, and more than you want to? Perhaps you find yourself overthinking about that comment your partner made, that phone conversation you just had with a friend, the argument you had last night in the kitchen with your teenager, or a new and unwelcome medical issue you’re managing. You’re so swept up in negative thought loops–judging yourself harshly, or judging others harshly—that suddenly, you’ve lost whole swaths of time. If so, you’re not alone. According to scientists who track mental well-being, most of us are ruminating more than we ever have before. And this is a problem, because the degree to which we ruminate, perhaps more than any other mental act, determines our lifelong mental and physical health.

For the past two years, I’ve been researching rumination—or what I call mind drama—and how to recognize, understand, harness, and exit your most self-defeating thought spirals. It’s a surprisingly common thing, this tendency to get lost in the “what ifs” and “should haves.” I think it’s important to acknowledge this, and also to realize that it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person or a flawed individual. It simply means you're human. And honestly, I think we all do it to some extent, especially when things feel overwhelming or uncertain.

The number one thing we all ruminate about is the people we love, and our closest relationships with partners, parents, children, and friends. Your early life experiences wire up a key part of your brain that gives rise to your thought spirals. Early experiences of adversity play an overarching role in determining how much and how intensely you will ruminate and what you will ruminate about in adult life. Neuroscience shows that when triggered by echoes of difficult life experiences, this key area of your brain goes into a kind of knee-jerk lockdown—which is why your mind loads up the same reels time and again, and it can be so hard to stop them. (I imagine you know what that sounds like: Why’d I do that? He’s such a jerk! I’m such an idiot! What did she mean by that comment?)

But there is good news: No matter who you are or what your story might be, this destructive mental habit is within your locus of control. With practice, you can learn science-proven strategies to exit your dark, untamed, self-defeating thoughts, while rewiring your brain. For starters, it’s important to know that your patterns of rumination have something profound to tell you. They are signal fires from your past, calling to you to tend to your oldest wounds. Once you understand the specific messages your ruminations are sending, you can effectively reverse-engineer them and begin to heal.

I’ve found that sometimes, simply acknowledging the feeling behind the rumination can be a powerful first step. It’s like saying, “Okay, I’m feeling anxious about this, and that’s okay.” Just naming it can reduce its power. And it’s not about trying to fix everything immediately. It’s about gently guiding your thoughts back to the present moment, without judgment. It’s a bit like learning a new language. It can take time and patience. There is forgetting and remembering. But learning this new language will make all the difference when you find yourself mired in your old, familiar mind drama.

I'm a big believer in creating systems, even small ones, to help manage this. For me, it's often as simple as taking a few deep breaths when I notice my mind starting to spiral. Or perhaps a short walk, just to get my blood flowing and shift my focus. It's about finding what works *for you*, because there's no one-size-fits-all solution. And honestly, sometimes a good cup of tea and a quiet moment to simply *be* is all I need.

Taken together, this will change the tenor and quality of your life. Instead of spiraling down, you can start spiraling up.