Letting Go and Finding Their Way

Sometimes, it feels as though raising a child is simply about finding ways to navigate a series of quiet, persistent shifts. It’s not one big event, mind you, but a steady, almost imperceptible re-arranging of the furniture in your own heart and home. I remember when Marcus was becoming a young man – those years blur together, don't they? – and suddenly he wasn’t so interested in my suggestions about his choices anymore. He wanted to make them himself. And goodness gracious, that desire for independence can be strong.

My Jerry, bless his heart, always said I worried too much. “Let him learn from his mistakes,” he’d say, with a gentle shrug and a knowing look. It was good advice, mostly. But when it came to sleep… well, sleep is foundational, isn't it? It underpins everything else: your mood, your ability to concentrate, even just your general sense of well-being. I watched him stay up late studying – or what he *said* was studying – and knew a full day of classes would be harder on him than any lecture from his mother.

We had our moments, certainly. Arguments over late nights weren’t uncommon. I wasn't trying to punish him; truly, I just wanted him to feel as strong and capable as possible. And a good night's rest is part of that strength. But there’s a difference between offering guidance and imposing rules, a difference sometimes harder to discern than the boundaries themselves.

It reminds me a little of my time volunteering at the food pantry here in Fulton Street. People come in needing help, yes, but they also need dignity. You don't *give* them something; you offer it with respect and an understanding that their situation doesn't diminish who they are. And children – even young adults – deserve to feel the same way about choices that affect their health.

My grandson, David—Marcus’s eldest—he’s starting to show those same signs of wanting a bit more say in his own life. He's thirteen now, a whirlwind of energy and opinions. Just last week he was grumbling about having to turn off his tablet an hour before bed. It wasn't a full-blown argument – just that little sigh, that roll of the eyes… you know the ones! I didn't lecture him; instead, I asked him how *he* felt it impacted his ability to focus in school, to play soccer without feeling exhausted.

It’s not about forbidding certain activities—it’s about helping them understand their connection. It’s about offering suggestions and allowing space for them to truly consider the impact of their choices. Perhaps designating a time when screens are put away an hour or so before bedtime isn't about control, but rather creating a peaceful transition to sleep.

Jerry would have smiled at that I think. He always had such patience. When I was fretting about Marcus’s late nights, he simply reminded me that eventually, he'd find his own way. And he did – of course he did. They all do. But knowing it doesn't make the intervening years any easier to navigate.

Raising children—whether they are little ones or young adults—is about learning to loosen your grip, isn’t it? To trust that even when they stumble, they will find their way back up. And maybe, just maybe, learn a few things along the way – not because you told them to, but because they chose to. I've learned over time, a parent’s most important task is preparing them to stand on their own two feet, even if that means stepping away from our own worries.